Friday, July 23, 2010


Let's say you learned from either a Care Net center, radio station, T.V. commercial, friend, family member, or even this blog that abortion is a bad thing. You think to yourself, “Nice bit of info., now what?”

It is important for all of us to be fully aware and prepared for a situation involving abortion. This may occur during a regular discussion with someone, requested advice from a friend, or maybe even a couple undergoing an unplanned pregnancy. There are a whole range of questions that could be asked, which if dealt with incorrectly will cause incalculable harm to the would be mother and baby.

I hope to begin a short series that analyzes specific situations in which people, especially teenagers, are exposed to the ugliness of abortion and learn how to deal with it firmly and lovingly both in reason and obedience to the Scriptures. The first of these articles is to the ladies, but I encourage the guys to read it as well. Keep in mind that many of these occurrences are illustrations and not history.

Ladies, a friend comes up to you in private and says she needs to get a load off her mind. You find a quiet spot to sit down and she begins telling you how last week she had an abortion. The only reason she’s spilling the beans is because of the guilt that she feels. Should you:

A.) Listen carefully; then say in a lighthearted manner, “don’t worry; everyone does it,”or, “it isn’t all that bad,” and end the discussion quickly so she doesn’t work into a frenzy.

B.) Ignore her completely and say that she’s upset over nothing.

C.) Say, “Don’t worry, God still loves you,” and try giving her further comfort.

D.) Be totally aghast that she could have done such a thing and refuse to help her.

E.) Tell her you’ll think about it and plan to talk over it with some of your other friends for advice.

F.) Ask a guy for advise.

G.) do none of the above.

This may be confusing to some, but the answer is none of the above. Here is why:

Letters a.) and b.) are easy ones. Not everybody has an abortion, yes it is a sin, and ignoring her fears is only going to lead her to despair.

Letter c.) is a bit harder to figure out. If you tell someone not to worry because God loves her, you call two things into question. First, you may give her the assumption that she can deliberately sin (which abortion is) and God will forgive her no matter what. The Bible is quick to disclaim this theory (Hebrews 10:26-27). Second, this statement overlooks the fact that God can be grieved (Isaiah 63:7-10). Giving your friend comfort in God’s love is the right thing to do, but here it is incomplete and likely to harm rather than help.

Letter d.) is obvious. Never turn down a friend because they put confidence in you involving a delicate subject. That not only takes bravery on their part, but it shows their level of trust in you. Don’t break it.

Another one of the tougher questions is e.). Like some teenagers you may find that you’re not as wise as you thought and it would be nice to get some feedback from other friends. Two heads are better than one right? Wrong! In this case stay clear from other friends as potential “helpers.” If the person you are trying to help asks for assistance from others that is a different matter, but she came to you specifically for a reason. I’m not a complete veteran on the communication systems in high schools, but I can tell you as a student with strict conviction that gossip gets spread much quicker among friends than anywhere else. That’s why I also advise young women who need to clear their consciences on this subject to choose one and only one friend/guide whom they can trust fully and stick with forever in confidence.

Ladies, if you need more counsel in order to help this friend who came to you, never-ever-ever-ever-ever go to a guy for it. You put him into a difficult position because he may not know the person you are talking about, her character, etc. If he does know her, he is liable to make her feel awkward by talking to her face to face, give you bad advise, or do something for her that she really doesn’t need. I mean this light-heartedly but seriously. A guy consoling your struggling friend with flowers won't help much.

After all those “don’ts” here is one of a few “do’s.” You can listen carefully to your friend and allow her to put the weight of her guilt on your shoulders. Ask for detail only if something is unclear and express sympathy only when she is finished. Talk to her about the saving knowledge of Jesus Christ, not as a minister would, but as a comforter. Tell her that Christ died for sinners and that He is willing to grant forgiveness if she but asks and believes. Perhaps the person you’re talking to is actually a Christian who has made a big mistake and needs reminding. Pray with her. Read the Bible if you have one handy and find a passage that gives assurance of pardon to the one who puts his trust in Christ. A very well known passage is, “For God so loved the world, that He gave His only Son, that whosoever believes in Him should not perish, but have eternal life. For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through Him (John 3:16-17)."

If you need instruction yourself about how to talk to this person, ask a parent/guardian or close relative. I said earlier that you shouldn’t include guys, but your father is definitely an exception. In fact he might be the best choice. If all you have is an elder brother, he too may be an exception and treated as a father, however it would be best that he has no direct connection with the person you are dealing with.

Make sure that the person who discloses these things to you knows that you are a friend and interested in her well being. Perhaps you‘re thinking, “Yea, but nobody I know of ever has this kind of problem.” I’m not saying they will. But don’t be caught off guard if a situation does arise.   

I understand that some readers here may not be Christians. After reading this article my question to you is, how can you comfort someone who feels guilty about having an abortion if you have a god who is neither personal nor particularly loving? And why would you feel obligated to comfort this person if you don’t believe in God at all?

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